I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
