oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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