you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
