Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
