drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
