I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
