My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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