He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
