And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
