remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
