So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
