The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
