I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
