Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
