That's intense
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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