I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
