I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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