that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
