If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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