Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
