i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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