It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorry my hands just texted you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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