exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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