i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
