This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
