what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
