my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
