i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
