Cold hands, warm shart.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
