dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
