what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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