I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
