I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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