There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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