I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
