i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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