Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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