New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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