Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
