I wish I could teleport
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
