Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
