When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
