I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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