but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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