U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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