a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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