when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
