You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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