you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
