is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
