So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
