Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
