i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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