I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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